Saturday, August 24, 2013

Do not follow the crowd

I bet you can't find
A label for me
I don't fit in that easily
I am the nutter
That wears odd socks
I am not the kind that you can
Fit into a box
And your poor opinions of me
They really do not matter
I am often dismissed
As being mad as a hatter
I may not be chique
But I am unique
And not afraid to speak my mind
I am one of a kind
With a peculiar
Weird some may say
But often happy mind
Enjoying my own individuality
You won't find a box
Or a label to fit me

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Yeah thats me..

Yeah that's me
The black sheep of the family
Always sticking around to long
Always in trouble 
Or doing something wrong
But it's not that I mean 
To cross the line
I just have trouble
Understanding where the line is
And I do try to
Do the right thing
Just with a bit more sparkle
And a bit of added fizz

I am so fucking happy.

You are cold 
And I am just mean
And there is no 
Middle ground inbetween 
Nothing feels right
All we seem to do is fight
Things are now dull and grey
But once we shone so bright
Where has all of the love gone
What once felt so right
Now feels so wrong
I feel broken inside
But we used to be strong
This was once my home
But now I feel
Like I no longer belong
Maybe it is time
For one of us to say
That this does not work anymore
It is time to go our seperate ways..

Thursday, February 14, 2013

I write again.

Thank you for the lies, drama, heartache and most of all for being a huge waste of time..

Life, I am lifeless, in my subtle growth, incredible changes altering my life in a direction which I do not want to flow.  I choose not to choose, live with whatever it comes, flow wherever it flows and keep moving to the direction it takes me. But I ultimately utter, listen to me now, I do not want to flow in your direction anymore, I am tired, lifeless and living halfly. I am dying for proper peace and love. I tried your every possible ways but it proved me that too much optimism is also not good, sometimes you must view the world through the eyes of pessimist as well. My head is banged with so many thoughts, and it’s weighing more than I can lift myself. People try to wash my brain, change me, and my reality.

 I certainly win but I lose to stop not thinking because again I keep flowing, I care and it matters everything and every people in my life. My unconscious part dominate my conscious part and says move on, fuck that bastard, kick that ass and just make it a shit because it deserves to be kicked, thrown and simultaneously my conscious part wakes gradually and says, wait, you are made of love, caring is your nature. Let people hurt, let them try dragging and digging you as much as they can, it doesn’t really matters because it’s YOU, the ocean doesn’t get dirty with few drain, the sky doesn’t look ugly with few clouds. You just get stronger.

Thursday, November 1, 2012


8th December 2011, As usual when I opened my eyes early in the morning, I used to wear and ride towards ground to play Mr.yod. But today I remembered a strange sweet dream that I saw last night, thoughts that ran in my mind since few days, reflected into a dream. Forgetting for shortly, I went to the ground and played game, but my game went unusual, every time I kicked the easy ball, I miss the pole, or the ball ran beyond my boot. After, back to home, I took my milk and went to trim my beard, still there was something wrong. I felt pain with the machine, and asked the barber whether the machine is out of work or what? He said it is ok. Whatever I faced the pain. And then in home, I went for shower but there was no hot water due to load shedding, so I had to bath just half of my body. I headed towards office but inbetween; I remembered it’s a day to give my bike to servicing and yup the fuel indicator is out of zero and I went towards pump to fill the fuel and I asked the filler to fill only ½ liter only because it’s stupid to leave fuel in the tank in the day of servicing because mechanic are good oil cheater. After, I waited for the public vehicle from teku to jamal because I had to reach Apple store Durbarmarg to pick the iphone and from there I walked towards my office thamel. Reaching office, I found that I don’t have to go for next day program, it’s a great relief.  Afterwards, me and my friend from office, walked all the way  durbar marg, kamaladi, putalisadak, Bagbazar, asan, and all the way to office. A long walk, but it was so interesting. On the way I saw all the strange things, learned all the unusual learning. You don’t belive if i say you will get batteries of almost all cell phones in Rs.100, pairs of sandles @ less then 100, normal cosmetics goods in Rs.10 and one more interesting thing was a vegetable cutter. There was a big crowd, and I somehow manage to enter into the crowd, all I saw was the slices of vegetables, placed on the mat, there were no fire, no any pots.. just a man cutting vegetables  through his strange cutter I ever say. And yeah the price of the cutter was just Rs.50. Almost everyone who saw that, bought it and even I thought to buy one but I didn’t  because of bla bla. From there we went for pakowda and momos  and we walked to office. After the usual work @ office  I went towards workshop for bike. I took a taxi to teku because it would be too hard for me to walk more.  After reaching , I checked my bike and asked how much should I give and the reply was Rs.1000. I thought hell no, because the petrol , as well as my pocket will be empty if I pay 1000 so told him that I cant give you 1000 because you know the fuel is empty  and I paid for taxi, I got only  900 more and Rs. 50, I got to fill petrol so that I reach home safely. But the fuel crisis, the petrol pump was closed near to the servicing center, and I drove all the way, and reaching the traffic at baneshwor I remembered that I had to pick grandma, shit happened, and reaching the pump, I filled the fuel of Rs.50 again and saved 50 for recharge cause it’s important to be in touch with my girl but suddenly, my girls dehh called me to pick her, and I had to deny  due to  crisis. After reaching home everything unusual happened, from talk with girl to every activity I did… unusual, unusual, unusual……………

Monday, October 15, 2012

Knowing, regretting the past is not a good idea to wake, my subconscious mind randomly keep dominating the true existence of being thee, thyself or myself. Expectation as always knowing “too much is never good’ as well “enough is never enough sometime.” The mind keep keeps expecting and demanding more n more although heart is safe there.
Selfish: being selfish is never on my list but sometime when people give me a emotional shape the expectation part burst out loud, roaring silently & widely. All I can do is let go, wait, see and feel how much is MINE existence inside you.

Once upon a time doesn't persists in my life. People express their story but its seem to me that I never had one. All I have is an attempt to fill the pages of life. What belonged to me & what is mine, will always be mine. Just because I have to walk through darkness sometimes they all play hide & seek with me. Whoever lightens themselves in my dark way, I see them but unseen part are all my illusion. In the mere of keep going through darkness I must accept what I see.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


Yelling, looking out from the window silently in this Dawn and wondering of all the miseries, trauma that I am suffering, turning the pages back and waiting to turn over what's really there for me. I wish I could always be ME, decent, always smiling in every story, and continue to live, to wake after ever fall. I hope my positive attitudes always leads me to the path of humanity, love, peace and freedom. Life is hard but it's really is beautiful.

what it means when you feel lost?

The loss of yesterday, you say that a loss but it isn't  a loss. A sun never stops giving heat and warmth though it rain and rain and takes the dryness away. The sky will never stop watering the earth though sun takes the wetness away. I call that's the real philosophy of my existence of life, happiness n way from imperfection to perfection. its the reason why i doubt, i feel insecure, confused of your words, your feelings and i wonder do they exist? Ohh! I have become too complicated. shit!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Being honest.

Tomorrow will be the worse or either a good day for me in my life. Whether i have to quit rather i choose die, or i have to change the way i live, change the way of my life, i have to understand that things arent working and i have to move on leaving them behind because i cannot control life. I have to let go everythings and keep on learning, learn, learn,learn... wake, wake, wake...i have to rise everytime i fall because nobody cares, i am alone and i have to do anything everything alone. This is the fact, whether you accept or deny.I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. Never quit. keep smiling and the world will smile u back.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Forgiving and forgetting

Forgiving someone who has wronged you, betrayed you, is a very hard thing to do. I struggle with this daily. But I find that the act of forgiveness is not something you do as a gift for the other person, but as a gift for yourself.
You hold on so tight to your anger, your principles, that you just clench so tightly at this thing you can’t let go.
How do you find peace if you’re constantly reminding yourself how badly the other person treated you? Yet that person has moved on, created a new life, finding happiness in his own way. Let go, let go of the anger, and you can then unclench the hand and reach for something else, something new, hopefully something better. Maybe you don’t forget, but over time the memory of the pain fades, and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.
Then forgive and move forward.
Justice happens when that pain doesn’t affect you anymore and the powerful memory of days long gone don’t hang around too long.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Tear Drops

I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.

Between The Truth.

Its not about being me or being true, its all about being honest. I cant forget u, neither i can think of leaving you, but it doesn't mean that i am weak so that i should hurt and suffer every pain in my life which i do not deserve. Nothing last forever. Even the river becomes the ocean at the end, same i have changed and become too. A natural cycle or phenomena which i think isn't necessary to describe.I have become the ocean. You cant see me flowing. Yet i am there. Its just the phenomena with your demand. I have been through all of the sufferings, sacrifices, scars, pains, ups, downs, now i want to stay in peace. Beyond, beyond and beyond........I am the ocean. Now i cant quench your thirst searching you every corners. Simply you need to take enough to quench your thirst whenever you feel thirsty. Its just the transformation to accomplish YOU your want, your desire......May thee understand.
I wish you ENOUGH............

Monday, January 3, 2011

Turning over new leaves, Getting on with life.

I screamed If i insist on staying longer than the necessary time, i lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages i have to go through.

You tried to get rid of me. It hurts but it could never hurt more than it did every day in my life just being me.I have stopped remembering and dreaming things, the one that shows how much i suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning me, nothing else.Remembering that there was a time when i could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.I started believing that "what has passed will never come back."

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. I do not expect anything in return, i do not expect my efforts to be appreciated, my genius to be discovered, my love to be understood. I am me, simply me and will be just me forever. I stopped being who i was.I am happy to be who i am.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Love for the sake of love..

One alone lonely night, under the sky,in freeze wind, with the memories that was with me like a moon,like a twinkling stars, with clouds, sometimes covering the twinkle, covering the brightness and the freeze wind sometimes made my heart cold remembering the clouds that covered the twinkle of the stars, brightness of the wind.Sometimes covering memories that was flowing in my mind with the reality the heart flowed to, in each sense of my innocence and the reality that thee deny. May thee accept, may thee agree, May thee deny, the fact, the reality, the truthnes inside me, My heart remains the same and me always is and will be me. I talked, quarrel, argued a lot with me, the real me and the reality is thee, only thee. I shall not prove the me, i shall not show the inner me. May thee pretend like nothingness, May thee pretend the owl, may thee pretend the darkness, may thee ignore the me but it would always be me. I would not regret, i would not need. I am the reality and i will always shine, i will always twinkle, i will always be there, like the moon like the stars, no matter if its the 15th or 30th, no matters if something covers, i will always shine....

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

closing cycles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.